HAH! I kid, because I'm a kidder...
PIZZA! MEXICO! GARDENING! CODPIECES! (ok, only three of those are relevant to this post, other than an outfit that may or may not have been worn during PIZZA! prep)
(I wonder what is written on that piece of paper... )
The first year the Fairy Queen and Phrodaux went to Troncones there was this PIZZA! "parlour", well not so much parlour, but a roof, a PIZZA! oven, a few TV's showing Mexican soap operas (so much emotion!) and the big sell of the place "delicious beer on tap". Yes, odd. PIZZA was ok, well the second one of the evening, as the first despite an order of "vegetarian" came out as "all the animal parts you can find, and some you really shouldn't" I swear there may have been an entire pig's head (that may be the delicious beer on tap {and emoting soap opera divas} remembering). We did get the veg pizza, sorry PIZZA! eventually...
Besides the delicious beer on tap, big emotions on TV, no walls, and the fact that there was eventually PIZZA! it was a nice evening in Mexico, and not because of the PIZZA!
So.
This summer we planted a garden, as we have been doing. The weather was much hotter/drier than it previously normally has been (I expect that this might be more normal than not normal going forward, but given that I have seen Kevin Costner in both "the Postman" and "Waterworld", I am optimistic, but really "Man of Steel" what an ass...). There were lots and lots of tomatoes, but in the end lots and lots didn't go from not ripe to ripe. When I say "lots and lots" what I really mean is "LOTS AND LOTS." We took 15lbs to one of our favourite restaurants in PDX, Bar Avignon (they are lovely there, you should go right now, go, but leave us two spots at the bar, as those are ours. THOSE ARE OURS!) We take them figs from our tree in the summer, and they do wonderfulness thingies to them and make them much more than figlings, and I expect green tomatoes will get elevated to Kevin Costner in "the Big Chill" levels, his best work, in my humble opinion (if there was only some way to shorten that...)
(I don't know who these people are, but they came up when I was searching for Kevin Costner images (pretty sure neither is Mr. Costner, but one could be Joe Piscopo, hmm)... I'm not sure if I am more disturbed by the fact that one is wearing a bra-like top, or that the other isn't. But then again, we don't judge.)
...so given that we had many more poundage (don't look at the above picture and think "poundage", just don't) than 15lbs, we needed to do something. More reasonable people (HAH!) would say, "good effort, old bean, toot, toot, cheery-o, god save the queen" and toss out the many, many poundages above 15 (again, don't look) and move on with their sad and oh so not British lives.
We's on the other hand did not toss out pip pip.
We are not rational, nor are we not British (not saying we are British, just not-not-British). So we made stuff, sorry, WE MADE STUFF!
FQ made green tomato pickles, oh so yummy. She may or may not add her recipe to this post, likely depending on how much she objects to the repeated use of the word "poundage".
Phrodaux on the other hand, who is confident enough in his orientation (northwest by nature) to post ill advised pictures and the repeated use of the word "poundage" will post a recipe.
and.
that..
recipe...
is....
(ok, this is getting old)
for.....
PIZZA!
yes, getting to the f-ing point.
a "Mexican" sorta kinda PIZZA! Well, before PIZZA! there was green tomato salsa.
Started with a Rick Bayless green tomatillo salsa recipe (not sure which one, but there are tubes where you can find information, somethink like gaggle, or boggle...)
The salsa.
green tomatoes, a bunch, chopped, but not too much. Pounds.
white onion, not a bunch but prolly more than you think. maybe 1/8th of the toms?
roasted green chili, less than I want to put in, but more than you do.
splash of tequila, a bit for the salsa, a bit for the cook, repeat as necessary.
salt, just a dash, adjust once all done and it sits for bit.
cilantro, handful, not a baby's hand, but not Andre the giant's either (we love him)
cumin, a dash, not a baby's dash, and definitely not Andre the giant's either....
(just a pinch in the salsa...)
basically you put it all the the blender, maybe not all at once, but in bits and bobs. Start with some of the green tomatoes and the onions. Puree. Then maybe the cilantro, and blend a bit more, depending on how much you chopped it prior. I like it in "bits" that are distinct, but not so big. Then the remaining ingredients. Blend a bit, so it is still "rustic".
(behold, the jar of wonder... the mysteries it must contain...)
there you go, salsa. We freeze it in ziplocks for later, or eat fresh.
now, back to PIZZA!
first. Before anything, get the oven going. 500f or more. should be going about 1hr (yes, I know, really) before the PIZZA! goes in. and the stone, PIZZA! stone. It should just live in the oven, really, it doesn't hurt anything.
start (start after the first part) with the crust that FQ makes.
toss, spin, make pizza shape on the really cool PIZZA! peel that your fabulous friends from the wilds of north (well Seattle-ish) gave you. You do have fabulous friends in the wilds of the north (well Seattle-ish) to give you a PIZZA! peel, yes? If not, I would recommend going and getting some, they come in handy.
ok, actual ingredients list, as is the socially acceptable norm.
Corn, frozen is fine, 8oz-ish (from now on the "ish" should be assumed, as Phrodaux is an eyeball cook. Wait, no, I don't cook eyeballs, as such, well I have when they were in a fish, but I don't exclusively cook eyeballs, but other stuff as well. eyeballs.)
onion. white, yellow, blue, whateveres. 1/4, or something like a 1/4-1/2 cup. chopped into bits roughly 1/4 inch squares, or 6mm squares if you're in anyplace other than the US, Liberia or Burma (or Myanmar if you are fancy, but not that kinda of fancy, as homosexuality is still illegal there, really, REALLY? !?!? just get over it... argh, people... you don't have to have gay sex, it is an option, really, what the f. AND NO METRIC SYSTEM?!?!? ARGH!), onions.
queso, the kind that melts, or the other kind, I don't judge. 8oz, or 227gms if you're not homometricphobic. crumbled in your oh so dirty dirty hands... nothing "fancy"
Green chili. I hate it when they ("they" as in the evil "them" who keep free 'legtricity and the aliens that live in New Mexico from us) say "one chili" do you know how many kinds of chilis there are? it is like saying "please put one mammal in the pot" really a blue whale or something smaller?
(the Etruscan shrew is the smallest, just beating out the pygmy blue whale, and neither is particularly good with PIZZA! their little hands can't manage the slice)
so chili. a nice green Hatch (my great grandfather's last name was Hatch, so you have that, he drowned trying to save a friend while they were fishing, not in WW1 but in Idaho... I digress) or Anaheim chili (you can remember the name as the chili is sorta shaped like California, we's be about the learnededing here) toasted, peeled and seeded. Which is fancy for "burn the damn thing a bit on the stove, or barbeque or whatnot to get the skin off".
PIZZA! crap, focus.
so, list of ingredients (in the more socially acceptable structure, I'm looking at you, Myanmar) makes a PIZZA! roughly 43.9822in in circumference, or 2.4541501e-5 acres if that helps (no? yes, I am a bit of an ass)
~1 cup of green tomato salsa, cooked down "a bit", maybe reduced by 1/4 (so ~3/4ish cup). just to thicken it up a bit.
1 pizza crust your lovely mate made.
8oz of crumbly queso
6oz of frozen corn (yes, frozen is ok)
1 Anaheim chili, roasted, skinned, and seeded.
1/4 of a larger than a baseball, smaller than a softball (look at me and the sports thingies) onion, chopped.
olive oil, as needed, by the gloop.
handfull of schmooshed up corn chips.
corn meal (PIZZA! lube, not to be used for other lube applications, trust me), use it like you would flour with other dough, and put on the peel, it will make the PIZZA! slide off easier (don't ask about the time I forgot and the entire topping mess just kinda skootched off the crust, off the back of the peel and down onto the bottom of the oven, I said, don't ask, or do, I'm not the boss of you).
what else? fancy cocktail ingredients, those you will use to make fancy, fancy cocktails that go with your PIZZA!
Put about 1-2 cups of the green salsa on the stovetop to cook down a bit, not too much, but just thicken a bit to be more PIZZA! sauce like than soupy mess like.
low heat, simmer.
in a dry, no oil, frying pan, a bigger one than you'd think. The onions go in. cook until they get a bit clear. then the corn. Corn can be thawed, or still a bit frozen, or whatever, we don't judge. And add the chili. Cook until it gets a bit dry, and toasty. Not dried out, but not wet. bits of brown is where you are headed.
so...
once the crust is "rolled out", don't actually roll it out, it makes it weird and tough, more pull out and stretch to get round about the size of the pizza (PIZZA!) stone you have in the oven (you have that, right?)
Then olive oyl the crust (yes, oyl, like Popeye, but really, it should be oil, but I like oyl, seems more cosmopolitan) drizzle, then use a brush to get it just covered. not the whole thing, just the outer-crusty bits.
green salsa off the stovetop, should really let it cool a bit. I often don't time this correctly and have to cool it in an ice water bath, kinda like after a long hike with the wrong underpants kinda ice bath, well not the same ice bath, but similar.
spread out (green salsa, not underpants). then cheese, then the corn/green chili/onion on top.
once all of that the best. THE BEST PART! and this is all the Fairy Queen's credit. On the oyled up crust, crushed up corn chips. Weird, but trust. we are all about the trust here. it adds a nice sweet/salty crunch.
(the before picture...)
once all assembled, into the pre-over-heated oven it goes!
7 mins (for us that is just about right, but you should watch yours and adjust) done!
(...and after. FQ may have been huffing PIZZA! fumes at this point, I was trying to take a picture, and she was more interested in eating said PIZZA! than documentation, the savage)
Now is the time that you would eat said PIZZA! (and maybe that nice salad that your lovely version of the Fairy Queen whipped up from home grown greens and cheese that she made with her own liddle hands) and drink the above mentioned cocktails!
After which you run off into the night and sing our praises until dawn, or until the nice men in white coats come and ask why you are running around in the middle of the nite singing about weird PIZZA!
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