(Phrodaux: at times he has issues, but spent time at his grandparents' farm; for those who didn't, "Napoleon Dynamite" was a documentary, not fiction, I can put real names to all those people, and them some. Eugene, Loomer and Camille just as teaser, teaser, so at times, just enjoys being with "his peeps")
The farm is a place to slow down, relax, recharge. That's all good, when it's just the FQ and Phrodaux and the beasts. Once in a while, though, we venture out into the surrounding countryside for supplies or amusement or both. That's when it becomes abundantly clear that the Fairy Queen's pace is not particularly suited to rural settings. She is trying, though, to develop a small town speed, with mixed results. A recent weekend provided ample opportunities to practice.
(phrodaux here adding a sidebar: this onetime at the bar where the bartender who we love has since left, and we mostly don't like it nearly as much as when she was not left, 'cause she ruled the place with an iron fist, yet knew what kind of salad dressing we liked, and had a baseball bat for those who misbehaved... where was I... oh yeah, FQ tried to be gregarious, but the object of gregarious was really stinky, and called phrodaux "you sexy fuck" more than she felt comfortable with, side, side note, calling phrodaux "you sexy fuck" less than six times is apparently acceptable, just so you know, and knowing is half the battle)
(phrodaux commenting on a phrodaux sidebar... I really am a "sexy fuck", just sayin')
Stop 1: Lamb & Wool Festival Parade (minimal patience required). Also, all the pictures will be from this spectacular spectacular, because after the parade the camera went away to allow for full involvement in all errands, interactions, and spiritual quests that came after.
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| Here's all you need to know about this parade: the color guard came in the middle, not at the beginning and ALL the town's law enforcement vehicles are in the parade somewhere, so no one is blocking roads or directing traffic, so random cars inadvertently joined the parade at several points. |
Stop 2: Mexican grocery store for soft bread and queso - Phrodaux was on a torta mission (more patience required). Why does a tiny store with few customers have a computer system that could run NASA? (Phrodaux here: 1976 NASA, boom chicka wow wow) Why does it take 20 minutes to buy bread, cheese, 6 limes and 2 avocados??? (deep breaths) (phrodaux here, again, boom chicka wow wow)
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| Tractors! We LOVE tractors. The ones in this parade were OK. For a REAL tractor parade, you have to go to the Great Oregon Steam Up. Go! This summer! Go! |
Stop 3: Farm store (a little more patience required, but only in order to restrain self from smacking horrible woman trying to get her kid to do things - like fetchingly hold a tiny chick - just for the photo opp). The staff is great and we leave with the best combinations of things. This time: strawberry plants, a 50 gallon water barrel and asparagus plants.
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| The official categories for this parade are listed below. When they say "Coarts" I think they must mean "Courts" as in princesses and such or maybe tennis. Or not. Have I mentioned that small towns present challenges, not least of which is spelling? Equestrian Units Motorizd Units Floats Other (Coarts, Bands and Walking Units) |
Stop 4: Hardware store (a little more patience required, because the cashier was new and all our old pals who admire Phrodaux's tresses and miss us when we don't come in for 3 weeks were out on the floor, helping customers and teasing each other).
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| It was a TRANSFORMER! The bucket is UP, then there are powerlines, so the bucket is DOWN, then the bucket is right back UP again. |
Stop 5: Grocery store (A LOT MORE patience required, because the people who have obviously NEVER shopped before stalked us through the whole place. And also, what is with the human instinct to HALT IN DOORWAYS and OTHER NARROW PASSAGES???) (phrod: why is this? it seems universal, everywhere, people stop in pinch points to have extended banal conversations, is it an earthquake survival thing? if so wouldn't it be offset by the "you are blocking the passages of non-earthquake survival people, so I must kill you evolution thang?)
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| This photo really does go with the next photo. Look closely at door #2. |
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| The first time we came to the Lamb and Wool Festival, we were innocent newbies. High and low, we looked for the lambs. Finally, we asked at the hardware store: Where are all the lambs? Nice hardware man said, On the grill. Oh. Well then. We thought about that for a while and then we realized: If you raise sheep, you only need so many boys. So, unlucky boys, it's the grill for you. |
Stop 6: Gas station (Tons of patience required, gladly given. No one should be 71 years old, working 4 pumps solo, while customers yell and curse and no help is coming). Filled the gas cans and fled the scene, desperate to get back to the farm, the pups, the meadow, the space, the mower.
(Phrodaux: he really is a nice man, but maybe a bit taxed by the task of pumping gas, everyone should be nice to him, especially since all the teenagers who didn't excel, but did an ok job at pumping gas, but really shouldn't, have quit, and the cow who manages the place thinks it is a good idea to only have one person on the payroll who happens to be a nice man, but maybe peaked at just below pumping gas at 71 years old, but is rather nice but he's the ONLY F-ING EMPLOYEE FOR 8 PUMPS WITH HORRIBLE PEOPLE YELLING AT HIM FOR ONLY DOING HIS BEST!?!??!?!
But to the nice people just before us who tried to pay the $8.87 with a $10 bill and were told that he didn't have the $0.13 change and then the nice people told him to keep the $0.13 and the other dollar, you get karma points and nice things said about you on our random blog, which if you knew, NEVER HAPPENS! good on you, we love you a bit.)
Today's theme (about a week later) is that we don't so much like people. There's us and our family by gene sequence and our family by choice but after that WHATEVER. Except those people Phrodaux was ranting about a couple paragraphs above. We like you. We might even love you. Come by the farm. We'll take you to a really lame parade.
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