The first rule of kimchi fight club...

Is never talk (blog) about kimchi fight club.

(how did all those people end up showing up at fight club if nobody ever talked about fight club?)

Phrodaux may have had a few "days" this last week. It started with getting a thing cut off my arm (I'm not saying it was my unborn twin brother, but I'm the one with the beard, and if I learned anything from Star Trek, something something Spock with a goatee, something something, I didn't learn from Star Trek, except that god doesn't need a starship, something something, green chicks).

what was I talking about?

So, now thing free, and a Frankenstein's monster like zipper around about a third of my wrist.

 (this is not my actual hand, mine has more colors, and less anger, fire good.)

Then there was the kimchi... the.kimchi.....the..kimchi......the...kimchi.......

Thursday night is Phrodaux makes oven fries (sweet potato and yellow potatoes, recipe to follow) and one of two kinds of cheese sandwiches (eggy or regular, recipe to follow) or salmon burgers (recipe... blah, blah, blah) or veggie sausages (we just buy these). Now I may have mentioned something about kimchi, some of the things that go on burgers or sausage can be pickled mango from the Indian grocery store, mayo, fancy brown mustard, FQ likes catsup (Phrodaux prefers ketchup), pickles (of the cucumber variety, dill, never sweet, ick), and... wait for it... homemade kimchi.

Apparently when you make kimchi (have I mentioned the kimchi?) it keeps venting as it keeps fermenting, but then once done it goes into the fridge.

So, wanting kimchi on my sausage (shut up, your mom wants kimchi on her sausage... I don't know, shut up). I grabbed the jar from the cold and in a very manly way, failed to open the jar (gas may have escaped, but I blame the kimchi). I think my grip may have been compromised by having frankenhand. Tools! tools solve things! I got the pipe wrench.

(this would be the "after" picture)

There were some contortions, which ended up with the Fairy Queen with the wrench while I grasped and twisted. The good news-the jar was opened! the bad news was it was not the expected and traditional "top of jar" location. This was more the middle of the jar. Apparently it is possible to untwist a mason jar roughly in the middle.

Then drama ensued...

long story, even longer, I did not get kimchi on my sausage. I did taste it. It took like 2 months to make, I had to. Oddly enough it tasted like cabbage and broken glass.

(Fairy Queen will have a sidebar here, I'm pah-seyekick)

{Tiny FQ Sidebar, she is so predictable. I love this story because usually I am the dangerous hazard. Nice to be the responsible level-headed one for once. Then again, I am not kimchi's puppet.} 

There was the search for bandaids, the hold the rag on it, the crime scene looking kitchen that FQ was kind enough to clean up (this might have been a self preservation thing on her part as there are only so many places for bandages on Phrodaux and I was running out of said places) chalk outlines can be so slimming.

{FQ Sidebar: Notice in the after picture above that two bandaids are already in place amongst the minor bloody bits. So it's after as in AFTER the kitchen exploded into blood, glass, and kimchi stink which, by the way, smells like dead bodies, but also after the major flesh wounds were dealt with. Once Phrodaux tried to eat broken glass just to taste his )#$*(#$*& kimchi, it was time to use the teacher voice to say: "You. Go sit down. Do not move. Dinner will be brought to you. Do not touch anything."}

So in summary, Phrodaux did not set himself on fire this week! Good news!