Cocktails, part 1: The bastard series

Phrodaux and I have a couple of cocktail books; they are full of completely unappetizing recipes and pathetic names (really, would anyone ever order something called a Brain Tumor? Or a Cottage Cheese?).

Still, the books remind us of proportions for basic things (margaritas, cosmos) and give us a place to jot down our inventions. I say our, but I mean Phrodaux, the mad scientist among us. The creator of the Adios, Au Revoir, for goodness sake! And now, given that I've been picking berries and leaving little containers of berry pie filling in the fridge, there is the series of bastard drinks. Not my word, his. All his. It couldn't be the Berry Splendor or the Pretty in Pink, oh no. But try one. Trust us.

First, he made The Bastard.  Then the Gin Bastard. Finally, when made with Tequila, the Rat Bastard.

First you need to make a berry pie. Save a little pie filling (raspberries, marionberries, boysenberries, any combination, plus sugar and lemon juice to taste).

Second, grow some mint. Know that it will take over your garden. That's OK.

Finally, create your drink.

• Pick some mint and muddle it in a cocktail shaker
• Add a couple of tablespoons of berry pie filling
• Add a shot or two of booze (vodka, gin, or tequila)
• Add a little lemon or lime juice
• Taste your mixture; add simple syrup or Triple Sec if it's too tart
• Add ice cubes and shake shake shake until everything is mixed up and cold
• Strain into glassware of your choice, or just dump it in a glass with the ice cubes.

These are lurid pink and lovely to drink. Enjoy.